FOR MEN ONLY:

To begin with, I assure you, I am not pretending that I don't appreciate a beautiful or shapely women. I'm not trying to be something I'm not. I'm all male and I can't help but like women. As far as I can tell, the scripture does not condemn beauty; in fact it comments repeatedly about the beauty of Sarah, Rebekah, Esther, (even the young King David) and many more. Beauty is spoken of in a neutral way throughout scriptures (* see scriptures below).

God's word and godly men in the Bible don't seem to hide the fact that beauty is a reality and a fact of our natural world. As I said, the scripture speaks of physical beauty in a neutral way, it doesn't endorse it as something to be overly valued. But neither does it disqualify it as if were not relevant. However, especially in Western culture, this attribute of beauty has exceeded it's actual importance. Ours is a culture of excess. Wherever there is a choice to indulge ourselves in an amoral pleasure, our culture indulges itself to the point of sin. Worse, through the media, it teaches and encourages excess.

A while back I was listening to a program on Public Radio. It was a story of the Hmong people in Asia who attract their mate through singing. A comment by one of the singers said that he, “looks for a women who can sing, because, while beauty doesn't tell anything about the soul of a women, singing does”. He went on to say he would choose an ugly women who could sing over a beauty who could not.

Brothers, this is the type of insight that should come from the minds of Christians. This makes abundant more sense than the criteria used by the average American male. Christians should not be mimicking the standards of the world, but by word and example showing the world what is of true value to God. It's what is in a women's heart that gives her value, not what is on the outside. This is the exhortation I want to share with you:

Do you know outward beauty is not meant to last? Yet our women and young ladies are under tremendous cultural pressure to maintain a youthful sexiness long after they are grandmas! I find it sad that so many Christian women have to feel like they need to look like Barbie dolls. Of course this is not the case with many women, many are secure and confident after they've lost their youthfulness.

If looked at objectively, there are so many women that do the craziest things:

Like wearing high heels. These torturous implements are designed to lift the calf muscles and make them look firm. They definitely make a women's leg look better. But these are really hard on a women's feet and back. I think of my poor mom, who wore these ridiculous things for decades to work everyday.

Bras: I had to check on this with my wife. I figured they really didn't serve any practical purpose, but she says they do. Apparently it's more comfortable to control her body, and it offers security. But that's not the only reason for a bra, they are also cosmetic. Young women's breasts are high and firm. A bra not only supports, it mimics a youthful chest. My wife tells me what's really bad is, even for young girl bras, it hard to find one that isn't padded! What does this tell you? Do you think if men were not so fascinated with large breasts, these types of bras would be so popular? Bras now are padded, under-wire, push-up; all for men. As soon as girls develop breasts they are taught to embellish them and use them to please men's fantasies. I am not saying men shouldn't like women's breasts. I feel that this is how God has made us. What bothers me is our culture has taken what is entirely natural and made it perverted. What men naturally like about a women, yes breasts have something to do with it, but it's more than that; their breasts represent to a man what is feminine. What is natural, is that men are attracted to femininity. But the social dynamics of our culture takes what is natural and turns it to something bizarre; so women must become more and more radical in their embellishments. Consider this; the way young girls dress today, formally would have been the garb of a harlot. More and more public schools are enforcing strict guidelines for dress for teen girls. Now it is fashionable to wear pants that are just about the pubic line; Blouses are plunging, with the overall message that shouts, “I'm sexy, look at me”. The problem is, the media drives the standard and what becomes old must become more radical to be more sell able to a visually fatigued audience.

Makeup: How would you like to go through that everyday? Makeup is to make a women look like a girl. Yes, it true that it covers wrinkles and it does make a women look better. Though it's true, even if a women went out where only women assembled, they would still wear as much makeup! It's kind of complicated so your going to have to trust me on this, but this is still men's fault (see note). Think about it, if it were not for men, do you really think women would spend that much time to look younger? If it were not for men, in a short time women would become more natural, they would grow to accept themselves and give up makeup entirely.

Again, beauty is not meant to last, it's like a fragrance, designed to attract, but as the winds of time blow, it's supposed to have done it's work. For the mature male, the beauty of your bride can fade, it's not longer needed.

Too many women and girls are under great pressure to be and remain beautiful because men refuse to grow up and develop an understanding and appreciation for inner beauty. Our culture is teeming with men who are preoccupied with large breasts, young firm bodies and “sexiness”. Because of the media we are saturated with images which imply this is normal. Unfortunately Christian men are not immune from the obsession for beauty and youth. It should be expected that inordinate fascination with youth and beauty work against our culture, but to have it work against the church is counter productive for the hope of mankind! How can the church be a testimony to the world when it's men cannot rise above these adolescent fantasies for their women? I want to realistic when I encourage men in gaining a godly view of women and beauty. It is not easy to 'get out of ourselves' and shed years of cultural brainwashing. But I want to give you some thoughts on the process of gaining a mature view of women. Consider how the mind works: There is much talk about sexual likes and dislikes in the media. People are not born with unnatural sexual feelings. The unnatural sinner, in a sense, trains himself to be excited by the what he finds might give him pleasure. He allows and rehearses, reinforces, even meditates on being excited by the object of his desire. Instead of quenching the feelings, he will entertain forbidden thoughts, have improper photos; spend time in places where he shouldn't. The principles of healthy sexuality work the same, but in a healthy measure. If you have been born in a good environment, if you have been taught from a young age healthy views of women. If you have guarded your mind to maintain these views, you'll maintain a healthy mind, and as you and your bride grow old together, beauty will find it's proper balance. However, once a person develops a view of sexuality, it is very hard to escape what one has become. Whether it is something extremely unnatural, or mildly unnatural, once we have trained our minds to be excited unnaturally, it is hard to un-train ourselves. But it can be done, however it must be approached with strong determination to be free, and with an equal determination to conform to God's pattern for normalcy.

Though it is extremely hard to un-train our minds, with God's help we can. And there are still things we can actively do to take the pressure off the women in our lives, while we develop more godly values.

You might have already, or may want to vow your life to a wife; to take her for “better or worse; till death do you part.” Here are some guaranteed methods to help your wife through the pressures of our culture to be slim, sexy and beautiful.

• Hold your tongue regardless of how she changes through the years, don't ridicule or make fun of her about her looks. You may be frustrated with your wifes weight or something else you consider unattractive. Often men use, what they think to be, humor to make a point. This is usually because they are not getting the results they want from past conversations or hints. Or the husband has never learned to communicate in a constructive way. This is the time to remember, 'beauty is only skin deep'. What does it really matter anyway? Deal with it! The fact is, the critic, given time will eventually, by the world standards, get ugly himself! Soon we will all fail 'the standard'. The scripture says 'beauty is vain'. So, why cause your mate to consistently feel bad because you want to prolong vanity?

• Don't compare her with other women. Look, this does not help anything. Genetically we are all different. I probably eat ten donuts a week and I stay about the same size. My wife looks at a donut and she gains weight! That is not fair. Everyone is different. Some women are the same as I am, why should my wife live up to a standard that I probably could not if given the same genetics? Some people are passed long leg genetics, some short and round leg genetics. Comparing the two women to a standard programmed by the media is, at best, silly. Just go on the net and check out some of the Barbie dolls of Hollywood, they can't even live up to the standards their handlers and make-up artists make for them! For most of them it's almost always a fake front.

• Don't pressure her to artificially modify her body. Any type of pressure to change your wife only tells her you don't love her unconditionally. In fact you should discourage her from artificially modifying her body! This will show her you love her as she is. This is kind of a touchy area. For instance; if your wife has recently lost three hundred pounds, her skin is not going to fit. Unfortunately the older a person gets, the less elastic the skin becomes. Her baggy skin becomes a great hindrance to every thing she does. Remember what I said about “not getting out of ourselves”? She may want to get rid of some skin because she can't overcome how badly she feels about herself. So let her do it. But it is totally wrong for you to make that decision for her; or to coerce; or in any way demonstrate a lack of acceptance for her, just because you can't get over it. The principle is simply of self sacrifice. Christ teaches us to sacrifice our own wants (and fantasies) to make another feel loved.

• Find Ways to show your wife she has value beyond her looks. I don't mean you should praise her for her cooking, gardening or her house cleaning. Or even her qualities as a mother. It's true a wife finds some self worth in these things, but where she really finds fulfillment is the love of those who are close to her. And most important to her is the feeling of unconditional love from her life mate. Children and grandchildren grow up and sometimes forget her and what she's done for them. But her life mate is always suppose to cherish her for who she is. Do you want your wife to be lovely? Loveliness is beauty on the inside, it only develops in an environment where there is unconditional love, security, and an appreciation for who she is, not for what she does. Think about it, isn't this what you want?

Young women and boys are totally without real understanding regarding their sexuality. It's by influence and example they learn these things. These values should be learned from parents. Generally, what a parent values, children will value. What we understand and expose as foolishness, they will learn to understand and reject. Boys must learn that women are not toys or objects to fulfill adolescent fantasies. Our culture will not change but will grow worse and worse. We can not let our minds be muddled with the mindless non-sense the world offers. We must teach our boys that visceral, testosterone driver values undermine God's plan for healthy people and relationships.

As I have said, beauty has it's place in our world, however, for unhealthy minds it becomes an addition that robs life of it's true values. God has created mankind with two sexes to better reflect His likeness. However if a marriage is so shallow, it emphasis is only surface things, that marriage will never experience the joy God has ordained for it. Nor will it reflect God's love and nature.

*Genesis 29:17 Leah was tender eyed; but Rachel was beautiful and well favoured.

Deuteronomy 21:11 And seest among the captives a beautiful woman, and hast a desire unto her, that thou wouldest have her to thy wife;

1 Samuel 25:3 Now the name of the man was Nabal; and the name of his wife Abigail: and she was a woman of good understanding, and of a beautiful countenance: but the man was churlish and evil in his doings; and he was of the house of Caleb.

Esther 2:7 And he brought up Hadassah, that is, Esther, his uncle’s daughter: for she had neither father nor mother, and the maid was fair and beautiful; whom Mordecai, when her father and mother were dead, took for his own daughter.

1 Samuel 16:12 And he sent, and brought him in. Now he was ruddy, and withal of a beautiful countenance, and goodly to look to....'.

Genesis 26:7 And the men of the place asked him of his wife; and he said, She is my sister: for he feared to say, She is my wife; lest, said he, the men of the place should kill me for Rebekah; because she was fair to look upon.

Genesis 12:11 And it came to pass, when he was come near to enter into Egypt, that he said unto Sarai his wife, Behold now, I know that thou art a fair woman to look upon:

15 And it came to pass, before he had done speaking, that, behold, Rebekah came out, who was born to Bethuel, son of Milcah, the wife of Nahor, Abraham’s brother, with her pitcher upon her shoulder.

16 And the damsel was very fair to look upon

Note on 'makeup' . One person said, 'Women can wear makeup out of pride, and wanting to look good, even without men being around'. Actually, I can see this point, however, I think my original point is generally true: Pride has to have a germ to work from. For instance, what I take pride in someone else would think silly. My 5 year old granddaughter may feel pride in how well dressed her favorite doll is. If I tried, I could probably buy a doll and make her doll look like little orphan Annie. Do you think I would take pride in that? No, because to me it's a meaningless exercise. The seed of what is valuable to my grandchild is different; to her, much of her identity is wrapped up in how well dressed her doll is. As my grandchild grows older, what she values will change, the culture she learns to love will dictate what she takes pride in. Of course, it would be wonderful if we were all without pride. This is precisely my point, our wives need us to show them unconditional love in order to help them to grow out of vain and meaningless pursuits of pride. Much can be said about pride; what can be said absolutely, is that all feelings of pride have no value. What he or she does may have value, but the credit and accolades have no worth, but do make the prideful person feel better about themselves or better than another. A women who is spending too much time about herself is compensating for a perceived need. A husband, or father can greatly help her in that need.

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